Why We Should Stop Teaching Girls to “Save Themselves for Marriage”

Virginity is not this precious jewell to be “lost” or “given” to your Knight and Shining Man of God.

A woman’s sexuality is as natural as childbirth, yet it is presented as this thing that is only reserved for a man to “deflower.” Boys aren’t fed this same narrative– they’re expected to lose their virginity young, to masturbate, to “master the skill” of sex before seriously settling down with a woman–meanwhile, girls grow up to be clueless about their own bodies all to appease an archaic social construct.

Protecting “Innocence” or Male Ego?

How exactly does protecting a young woman’s “innocence” benefit her? How is it protecting her, what are we protecting her from? Growing up, I was embarrassingly clueless about my body’s sexual needs. I had the urges, but my ridgid religious upbringing had me convinced that my first sexual encounter was reserved only for my husband.

I didn’t even masturbate. I was just a big ole awkward ball of pent up sexual desire, but I was brainwashed into believing that all this internal suffering would pay off in the end. By the time I was in my first adult relationship, I was so out of touch with my body and my partner could pick up on that awkward energy.

In short, keeping women oblivious to their own sexual pleasure doesn’t benefit anyone in the end.

It’s All About Him Anyway

It’s very disheartening (and pathetic) to still see so many women equate good sex to how much they can please a man during the act rather than how much of it they actually enjoyed. Women love bragging about their WAP, meanwhile homie gives not one fuck where your clit is or whether you came or not.

Sex is not just about making babies; it is meant to be enjoyed.

As women, were selling ourselves short by limiting our sexual experiences to how much we can please the man. He’s a guy, he’s gonna come regardless. Teach women that sex is this dirty thing that they need to avoid until their wedding night doesn’t empower them, it stifles them. It keeps them in a perpetual state of girlhood and indoctrinated shame with something that not shameful.

Educate, Educate, Educate!

We owe it to our black girls to teach them that their bodies are not tools for men’s enjoyment, that sexual desire is not an evil thing that needs to be stifled. You can’t stifle it, anyway— that’s like depriving yourself of all food in an effort to lose weight and before you know it, you’ve eaten every time in your kitchen.

Educate young girls on the possible risks of sex. Teach them to engage in safe sex. Teach them about their bodies. Teach them to make sure that the decision to have sex is their decision alone.

Maybe she’ll decide to wait until marriage. Maybe she’ll give it up to a stranger in a bar. What matters is that in each situation, she’s making an informed decision and that’s it’s her decision.

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