I don’t think there is anything I find more unattractive than a bitter man. People focus so heavily on the “bitter single woman” trope that they neglect to acknowledge the existence of her male counterpart.
For context, I’ll briefly reference a time in my life where I dealt with an immature, insecure, bitter beta male.
He was a guy I went to high school with—we never really spoke to each other, but we were always cordial. He was a super sweet and funny guy, at least that’s how I remembered him. One summer we’d reconnected and started texting back and forth, strictly platonic. After a while, we started hanging out and that soon turned into hanging out at his place.
I think we all know what happened from there.
Me, being the sap that I am, I started catching “feelings” for him; however, as my “feelings” developed, I noticed his interest dissipating. What once was a mutual texting relationship turned into me thirstily texting him just to get a dry (and often hours late) response. I realized I was turning into a desperate bitch.
Once I came to grips with this harsh truth, I mustered up some pride and stopped texting him. Of course, this caught his attention. After about two months of not reaching out, he finally hit me up, trying to get him some. I politely told him I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore and that I’d missed our friendship.
He then accused me of blowing him off when he was “trying to take me out” and proceeded to block me on Instagram and Twitter.
I want to point out both what he did and what I did wrong. First of all, I went into the situation naïve; I was relatively fresh out of a relationship, and I just wanted the company of a “nice guy.” I wanted what I thought was the opposite of my ex. I thought that I would’ve been able to have sex with my “friend” and maintain our friendship.
My “friend” is the text book definition of a beta male. He would often comment on his perceived inadequacies and on women that have broken his heart in the past. These were red flags that I ignored because I was so sure he was a “nice guy.” We all have insecurities, and there is strength in acknowledging them; however, be wary of men that constantly speak on their insecurities. Highly insecure people tend to be more defensive and drastic in their actions. It’s a delayed response to their own lack of security in themselves, which only results in more walls being built up.
My “friend” took comfort in blaming his failed relationships on his personal belief that women cannot be trusted. I can’t fully be mad at him, because this is how I felt about men when things ended with my ex—granted, my ex was a sociopath, so I had pretty good reason not to be trusting. The problem with this mindset is that while you think you’re protecting yourself from the very people you don’t want, you’re actually attracting those people to you. This is known as the law of attraction; the energy you put out, you get back in return.
Let my “friend” and I’s story be a lesson to you: take time to heal from your past traumas, so that you don’t end up causing more trauma to others. Also, don’t fuck your friends. Ever.